5 ways to make friends in a new city – Zafigo.com, September 12 2017

The initial stages of moving to a new city can be incredibly exciting as you get to explore a new place and all that it has to offer. Then, reality kicks in and you may find yourself feeling lonely and missing things back home. The first few weeks of living in a new city can be particularly lonely, especially when flying solo. While it’s easy enough to pack up your clothes, books and even furniture during a move, there are some things you just can’t load into a suitcase, namely friends and family.

A new group of friends won’t be handed to you on a silver platter, and forming new friendships at an adult stage in life is certainly not as easy as during your playground days. But it doesn’t have to be difficult – so long as you’re willing to make an effort and lean outside your comfort zone.

#1 Join a social group

No matter how lonely you feel, you are certainly never alone. Regardless of where you go, there are plenty of like-minded women seeking a friend to share a coffee and a chat with. It’s just a case of finding them! Thankfully, there are several platforms that have been established to help you do just that.

On moving to a new town in Ireland, I joined the local GirlCrew branch and it was one of the best decisions I made. This women-only social network, which now has 46 branches worldwide and over 90,000 members, allows women in the same area to link up online and organise meet-ups and events.

While the first meeting was a bit daunting (and felt a bit like online dating!), once I got to chatting with people, I realised that there are so many other women out there in the same boat as me. Bowling nights, lunch dates and nights out ensued, and I can definitely say that I formed a few lasting friendships as a result.

Girl Gone International is a similar organisation for women worldwide. I am a member of the local group in Da Nang, Vietnam and love meeting both local women and expatriates alike at the fun monthly meet-ups. Not only has GGI brought me brilliant new friends; it has also given me some memorable experiences (such as a movie night on the beach and a Vietnamese cooking class).

#2 Find a new hobby

Have you always wanted to try yoga? Or perhaps you fancy yourself as a guitarist? Whatever your interest, moving to a new place is the perfect opportunity to start something different and in the process, meet new people. Striking up conversations with strangers doesn’t come easy to everybody, but joining a class that interests you ensures that you will always have a conversation starter.

Personally, I find signing up for a full-term course to be the best option. Once your money is handed over, you are more likely to stick with your new hobby and hopefully, continue to develop new friendships along the way. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the most talented person in the class; I recently joined a Zumba group in Da Nang and am certain that my moves are more akin to Bigfoot’s than Beyoncé’s! As long as you’re having fun and socialising with other people, that’s what matters.

#3 Work from a co-working space or cafe

Working on my laptop at home can feel pretty isolating. But I’ve found that it doesn’t have to be this way. If you’re lucky enough to work for yourself or as a freelancer, you can turn your work days into social opportunities by working in a public space. Many large cities and small towns have established co-working spaces where you can rent a spot to work and rub shoulders with others throughout the work day. Some of these spaces also organise social activities and events to allow people to get to know their ‘co-workers’ and share ideas.

A cheaper and easier alternative is to work from a local cafe. Find out where the most popular spots are (in my case, anywhere with strong WiFi, strong coffee and good air-conditioning) and prop yourself up with your laptop and a cafe latte. Stir up a conversation with the person at the table next to you if the opportunity arises. Chatting with the café staff could also turn into a chance to make a new friend. At the very least, working from a cafe will allow you to enjoy a change of scenery and some delicious coffee. Who can argue with that?

#4 Be a volunteer

There’s no point in wasting your free and alone time feeling sorry for yourself or pining for home. No matter where you are in the world, there is always an organisation or cause that is crying out for helping hands. Why not offer to do some work at a local animal shelter or get involved in a weekly soup run?

If you find yourself unable to commit to a weekly volunteer position, seek out one-off events such as beach clean-ups or charity fundraisers. Such admirable causes attract people from all walks of life, so you are guaranteed to meet a diverse range of people.

If you find someone that you click with, don’t be afraid to ask them out for a coffee afterwards. What’s the worst that could happen? Chances are they will only be delighted to wind down and chat after a busy day.

#5 Keep an open mind

Sometimes new friends can be found in the most unlikely places. For this reason, it is so important to keep an open mind and remain patient when you move abroad. That girl you’re chatting with on a long bus journey home could become a firm friend. During a stint living in Paris, I met one of my best friends there completely by chance when she approached me to ask for directions.

While asking me how to get anywhere is a grave mistake (navigation isn’t my strong suit), her decision to approach me certainly was not. It turned out that we have a lot in common. Not only were we both going to the same place and equally as lost as the other, we were also living away from home and enjoyed many of the same activities.

When we finally reached our destination, we swapped phone numbers and arranged to meet up for a drink the following week. Soon, a strong friendship blossomed, and over the next few months we explored the beautiful streets and sights of Paris together. Fast forward four years later and we live elsewhere, but we still remain in touch. And that’s how I know that each time I move some place new, I’ll always be able to find new friends.

(First published on Zafigo.com on September 12 2017. Available online at: http://zafigo.com/tips/make-friends-when-move-new-city/)

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Families unite to combat eating disorders – Irish Independent, June 5 2017

Since its inception, the New Maudsley Model has helped thousand of families. Amy Lewis talks to one of the founders, Gillian Todd, at her recent workshop in Dublin and she meets parents attending to find out how it has helped them cope with their loved ones’ eating disorders.

When families are dealing with a child who is suffering from an eating disorder, the symptoms begin to play a central role in family life and often the parents and siblings find themselves lost at sea, not knowing how to help – this is where the New Maudsley Model steps in.

The New Maudsley Model is a skills-based programme that aims to helps carers better understand and support their loved ones. It was established by Professor Janet Treasure and Todd (pictured) ­- former Consultant for Eating Disorders and Clinical Nurse Leader with the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust respectively – who developed it through extensive research coupled with professional experience. The workshop encourages carers to engage in their loved one’s recovery and helps to switch their focus from blame to more effective communication.

“A carer can often be critical and over-protective of their loved one. They may also feel that the illness is their own fault, which of course it isn’t,” said Todd, who has worked with eating disorder patients since 1984.

“Janet developed characters that describe how not to behave. The Ostrich – buries their head in the sand and feels completely hopeless. The Jellyfish – is emotional and upset. The Rhino – is a person who shouts, argues and fights. A Kangaroo carer – puts their baby in their pouch and won’t let them do anything.

“We encourage carers to be a more compromised version. Be a St Bernard: more calm, quiet, unflappable and dependable. We also use the image of a dolphin who nudges, guides and coaches their loved one along.”

Carers are also taught about the psychology behind eating disorders, as well as how to cope with scenarios that may arise at home. This is done through role-playing exercises and practicing OARS: Open questions, Affirmations, Reflective listening and Summarising. In addition, the workshops offer attendees the tools to deal with clinical settings.

A unique part of New Maudsley Model is that it’s aimed at carers of adults and children.

“In the past, carers of adults with eating disorders felt abandoned and excluded. This is one thing that’s out there that they can go to,” explained Todd.

Since they were established, the New Maudsley Model workshops have been facilitated worldwide by its founders or other trained professionals. Over 70 carers attended Todd’s recent two-day course in the Clayton Hotel in Leopardstown, Dublin, in the hope of going home better-equipped to help their loved ones. Parents, aunts, siblings, friends and partners travelled long distances for the course, with some seeking help for children as young as nine-years-old. Several psychologists from the HSE Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) also attended, as did representatives of Bodywhys, who supported the workshop.

Peter travelled from Ballina with his wife to the workshop, having previously attended a one-day course. His daughter (29) has been suffering with an eating disorder since she was in transition year.

“We first became aware of her illness seven years ago when she was in university,” he explained. “She always ate in front of us so we never suspected it. She used to see a doctor in university who, after a number of years, persuaded her to tell us.”

On first learning of their daughter’s illness, Peter’s family felt extremely alone. They sought all help available but it wasn’t until attending their first New Maudsley Model workshop that they were offered some relief.

“For the first time, we felt that there were people out there like us,” said Peter. “When you have a child with an eating disorder, the focus is on them,” he continued. “I remember asking a social worker, ‘is there anything for us carers?’ You just want somebody to tell you it’s ok, not to lose hope and to try to have compassion.”

Along with offering them support, Peter said that the practical element of the workshop gave them the tools to communicate more effectively with their daughter.

Though she is still battling the illness, the workshop has encouraged them to remain hopeful for her future. He also credits it with giving them the ‘courage’ to recently take their first holiday in years.

While Todd led the latest workshop, several others have been held nationwide in recent months. These were facilitated by professionals who have been trained in the New Maudsley method by its founders.

Galway native Paul and his wife attended a workshop last November, soon after their 11-year-old son was diagnosed with an eating disorder.

“When your child refuses the food you give them, it can become very frustrating. We needed to understand his feelings in order to help him,” explained Paul.

According to Paul, the workshop taught them how to support their child, while meeting other parents gave them some positivity for the future. He recommends it to all carers.

“I read about various methods but that’s the one that worked for us,” explained Paul, who said his son’s health is now much improved. “When your child is young or in their teens, they are with you almost 24/7. If you know how to guide them through recovery at home, it has to be better than just one hour a week with a counsellor.

“The big thing we took away from it is that you really have to throw yourself into their recovery 10,000pc,” he added.

When Connie’s daughter was first diagnosed with an eating disorder, she didn’t know where to turn for help. Attending her first New Maudsley Model workshop gave her the support she was seeking and in an effort to spread this to other carers, she soon invited the facilitators to hold one in her hometown in the west of Ireland.

“You do get information elsewhere but when you attend these courses and gain support through them, that is the most important thing.”

A Whatsapp group that allows carers to keep in touch following the workshops is something she also credits as a great comfort.

“There is huge power in people supporting each other,” she said.

Connie’s daughter (21) has been receiving treatment in London for six months and though she is still in recovery, the family are confident that she is getting the best help available. Connie also feels that the workshops have helped them to better support their loved one.

“We know more about what is going on for her and she is feeling more understood,” she said.

The New Maudsley Model workshops were not available in Ireland when Catherine’s daughter was caught in the grip of anorexia four years ago. However, on learning about it through a colleague, the Dublin-based GP went to London to attend them.

“Parents can get bogged down with the cause of an eating disorder but I learned that this is less important than the factors that maintain it,” she explained. “If there is stress at home, that feeds in to the eating disorder.”

According to Catherine, the workshops were ‘vital’ in helping her daughter through recovery.

“They encouraged us to create an environment of compassion and support, rather than blame. My daughter realised the illness wasn’t her fault and that it didn’t destroy the family. She learned that everyone was behind her to get better.”

Catherine’s daughter, now aged 16, is fully recovered. However, as a GP, Catherine regularly meets parents who are in the same position that she once was. She urged them all to attend the recent workshop.

“Parents were once blamed for the illness but that myth has been debunked. Parents are now part of the solution,” added Catherine.

Many of the New Maudsley Model workshops, including the most recent one, were arranged by Paula Crotty – a Dublin mother whose 23-year-old daughter has battled an eating disorder for over three years. Since attending her first workshop, Paula has been working to get New Maudsley firmly established in Ireland and as a result, Bodywhys recently announced that they will adopt and run the courses in the future. In the meantime, Paula continues to support fellow carers in various ways, such as organising meetings after the workshops and sharing advice.
Paula also established the Whatsapp group which over 70 carers view as a lifeline. The option to join is offered at the end of each workshop.

“If someone is having a low day, group members can give them encouragement to keep their head above the water. It’s also useful if somebody has a question or needs a therapist recommendation,” she said.

Following Todd’s recent workshop, Bodywhys made the decision to adopt the New Maudsley workshops alongside their existing services. However, according to their Training and Development Manager, Harriet Parsons, facilitators will need to be trained in the method before they can commence.

Bodywhys currently offers several supports to carers including a helpline, email support and a free downloadable book. They also run their free PiLaR programme for families of adults and children, which educates on eating disorders and provides advice on supporting someone through recovery.

 

■ Gillian will return to Dublin to facilitate another New Maudsley workshop on September 9 and 10. For more information on the method or to reserve a place, contact newmaudsleyworkshop@gmail.com.

■ Bodywhys run their PiLaR (Peer-Led Resiliance) programme in various locations around the country. The free evening course, which is run by Bodywhys in conjunction with local mental health services, takes place over four consecutive Mondays. Places are free but limited. To book a place or for more information contact Harriet at helpline@bodywhys.ie. Bodywhys helpline: 1890 200 444

Email support: alex@body whys.ie

(First published in the Irish Independent on June 5 2017. Also available online at: http://www.independent.ie/life/health-wellbeing/healthy-eating/families-unite-to-combat-eating-disorders-35781838.html)

Enniscorthy mother won’t give up fight for her CF daughter – Enniscorthy Guardian, December 3 2016

News that the HSE won’t fund Cystic Fibrosis drug Orkambi is ‘devastating’ according to Julie Forster, but she is not going to let it prevent her from keeping up the fight to get access to the drug for her daughter.

At the weekend, the Sunday Business Post broke the news that the drug will be rejected for use by the HSE after their drug committee recommended against funding the drug at a recent meeting. According to the article, the committee, which includes several senior clinicians, decided it did not deliver enough benefits to patients to justify its €159,000 price tag.

Ballindaggin resident Julie Forster, whose three-year-old Ruth suffers from the illness, learned of the news through a Tweet on Saturday night, only days before she and members of a CF action group for parents will hold a presentation in the Dail to push for the funding of the drug.

‘The way it broke is just disgraceful. Members of the Cystic Fibrosis community and even Cystic Fibrosis Ireland learned of the news through a Tweet. We took that pretty hard and at first, we were wondering if it was misinformation,’ she said. ‘It just shows the way that the CF community is treated in general. Apparently Simon Harris didn’t even know about this. The fact that they went to the newspapers first is a disgrace.’

Julie said that she was ‘absolutely devastated’ to learn of the news, which according to her, has taken away a lot of hope for parents and sufferers of Cystic Fibrosis. The possibility that the drug may not be funded by the HSE would also bring the drug trials, that several people around Ireland are currently undertaking, to a halt. Though Julie’s daughter is not currently trialling Orkambi and is ‘quite well’ at the moment, she said that this could affect several families that she knows.

‘I am in touch with some families whose teenagers are on the trials and are doing really well. They have been on it for three years and can’t contemplate what life would be like if they are taken off the drug,’ she said.

Despite the huge disappointment brought by the recent news, Julie is still prepared to fight in the Dail on Thursday along with representatives from 14 other families who are affected by the illness.

‘This Thursday, we will still do our presentation and hope that we can get as many TDs as we can to back it. Simon Harris has the power to overturn the decision but he has said in the past that he wouldn’t. The drug company Vertex have issued a statement saying that they are still willing to negotiate on the price. So our options are either to negotiate on the price or make Minister Harris change his mind,’ she said. ‘We are hoping that we will come to some agreement.’

Julie has invited the five Wexford ministers to the presentation and has received responses from all of them. James Browne has promised to attend the meeting, while Mick Wallace said either he or a representative will be there. She was informed that Brendan Howlin will do his best to attend. Paul Kehoe is unavailable but has contacted the group to say that he will meet them on another date. Meanwhile, Michael D’arcy said that he could not attend.

Other members of the group nationwide have also called on their TDs to attend, while all are encouraging people to attend a separate march to the Dail on December 7.

‘We have received quite a promising response from TDs. Hopefully when they come out, they will learn more about the illness. It might help them to put faces to numbers,’ said Julie. ‘It is a matter of trying to get this funded and in my opinion, it has to be done. It is a matter of life and death to some people.’

(First published in the Enniscorthy Guardian newspaper: print edition. Also available online at: http://www.independent.ie/regionals/enniscorthyguardian/news/enniscorthy-mother-wont-give-up-fight-for-her-cf-daughter-35251969.html)